At the end of each day, right before bed, I take time to process my thoughts of the day. Sometimes those thoughts put me right to sleep and other times they keep me up all night.
It’s 3:24 a.m. as I’m writing but I have had something pressing on my mind that I can’t help but write about. This blog post may just be a letter to myself, but I hope someone out there finds comfort in these words.
I don’t think I need to remind anyone that Valentine’s Day is this weekend. Before all you anti-valentine singles click out of this screen, hear me out.
This Valentine’s Day, why not fall in love with your schoolwork, job, passions, or friends and family?
More importantly, why don’t you fall in love with yourself?
As for most people, my first two years of college were well… rough. It was my first time being on my own, I was excited about life and all the possibilities that were ahead of me but that came with a flip side. I was trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be and for those of you who have been through that process know that it can be an ugly one.
I will confess that I am very excited to have an actual valentine this year. Especially since last year he was abroad in London so our date consisted of a FaceTime call… in a Chipotle parking lot. I know, I know, the romance kills me too. While I was very thankful for that little bit of his time, I am excited to take a break from our busy schedules to recognize how thankful I am to have such an amazing and inspiring man in my life. Not only that, but Valentine’s Day also serves as a day to love yourself.
Throughout freshman and sophomore year of college, I was what some people might call, ‘testing the waters.’ I was pushing boundaries and mainly trying to find my self-worth. I wanted to mean something to someone. I wanted to feel important. And the scariest part was that I was willing to change who I was to achieve these things. I didn’t stand up for myself and I was willing to be used emotionally. I spent many nights upset, mostly out of disappointment in myself and because I was unsure about what to do, where to go, and who I was.
I was foolish, I got hurt, and I made a lot of mistakes.
Looking back, its clear for me to see now that that girl didn’t love herself… at all.
Let me get one thing straight, I am still young and haven’t figured this whole life thing out yet. I still doubt myself. There are days where I get in a rut where I feel like I am not good enough. Hell, this whole post came from me having a moment of insecurity. I think it’s a natural and very human tendency to go back to old behaviors but what’s important is that you don’t stay in that rut.
Don’t let the thoughts of your old self consume you and bring you back to that dark place.
I think Valentine’s Day is a perfect day to remind yourself that you are important. You are worthy of love, a good life, respect, and so much more. You are worthy because you’re you.